Apparently, Sir Keir Starmer spent the weekend at Chequers. With his “allies”.
Plotting how to remain Prime Minister. Really? Allies, what allies?

I’d rather live in a dinghy in the Strait of Hormuz than Angelaland… we need to grit our teeth and hope Starmer survives

If you think Starmer is bad, just consider what it would be like to live in a country led by Angela Rayner Credit: AFP
Chequers is a vast mansion. He could have held the meeting in the telephone kiosk at the end of the lane.
Still, at least the catering won’t have cost us all very much.
Greggs’ vegan sausage roll for Keir and some plankton for Dinsdale, his pet jellyfish.
He hasn’t got any allies. He’s either fired them or they’ve resigned. Or just fled in terror at being associated with his name.

The most unpopular Prime Minister in history. A man who has alienated almost everybody he works with.
In the civil service. His own appointees. The Cabinet. The backbenchers.Sometimes I almost feel sorry for the poor bloke.
And then I remember the extent of his delusion. It was reported that he expected to remain PM well into the 2030s.
‘Pack your bags’
Yes, Sir Keir. No doubt about it, mate. And I expect to win the Nobel Prize for Peace, score for Millwall in the play-off final and celebrate later with Emily Atack, dressed in a black leather basque.

Her in the basque, not me, by the way. I’ll still be in my Millwall strip.
While Sir Keir was doing his plotting this weekend, everybody else in the Labour Party was plotting when and how they should get rid of him.

Senior Cabinet ministers have been discussing who should be the bearer of the bad news.
The person who raps on Sir Keir’s door and says: “Send not to know for whom the bell tolls — it tolls for thee! Time to go, Dalek-features. Pack your bags and scram.”
And elsewhere in London, the conspirators were gathering.
The little cabals surrounding the people who think they have a chance of becoming the next Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
There are, basically, four of them. And this is where the news gets really bad.
The only one of the four who might — might — make a decent fist of it, Health Secretary Wes Streeting, doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance in Hell.

Mahmood has had huge success reducing immigration. And stopping illegal asylum seekers. She is tough and clever. And doing what the country wants. Credit: Alamy

Health Secretary Wes Streeting, doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance in Hell of being the next PM Credit: Alamy

Labour Party activists and backbench MPs can’t abide him because he is comparatively sensible. Nor really does the competent, if chameleon-like, Andy Burnham, the Manchester Mayor.
Sir Keir Starmer has shown a certain amount of ruthlessness in stopping Burnham getting anywhere near a parliamentary seat.
And that will continue. Which pares the list of hopefuls down to just two.
And believe me, if you think Starmer is bad, just consider what it would be like to live in a country led by Angela Rayner or — eeeek! — Ed Millipede. I think I’d rather live in a dinghy in the Strait of Hormuz.
Let’s start with Ange. This is the woman who cheated the taxpayer by stating that her principal home was in Brighton, 300 miles from her constituency home and 60 miles from her other home in London.
In doing so she saved herself £40k, which was why she had to resign as Deputy Prime Minister.

And believe me, if you think Starmer is bad, just consider what it would be like to live in a country led by Angela Rayner or — eeeek! — Ed Millipede. I think I’d rather live in a dinghy in the Strait of Hormuz

Rod Liddle

The HMRC is currently investigating her arrangements. And luckily she can’t become PM until that is sorted out.
There are also one or two questions over what she did with the house she signed into trust for her disabled son.
But those aren’t the main reasons for being terrified of life in Angelaland.
The main reason is that everything she stands for would make the UK a worse place to live in.

For a start, she has warned Starmer that her price for rejoining the Cabinet is this. Sack Shabana Mahmood, the Home Secretary.
So, in other words, sack the SINGLE effective Cabinet minister the PM has got.

Andy Burnham, the Manchester Mayor, has also been touted to take over from ailing Starmer Credit: Splash
Mahmood has had huge success reducing immigration. And stopping illegal asylum seekers. She is tough and clever. And doing what the country wants.
That’s why Rayner hates her. Rayner would make it EASIER for asylum seekers to come here. She would lavish more money on them. She doesn’t care what you think. She believes people who have worries about asylum seekers are raaacccisst. She wants asylum seekers to have more rights and to deport fewer of them.
What else would she spaff your taxes on? Benefits. Oh, she’s got a lot of time for benefits. She has pledged in the past — as part of her workers’ rights charter — to increase sickness benefit.
If there is one single thing which is crippling the country right now, it is sickness benefit. The amount we spend on it has risen by £12billion since 2019.
More than four million people claim it. In the organic non-meat plant-based pie in the sky of Angelaland, the claimants would get MORE money.
Utter disaster
So the incentive not to do any work would be increased. We can all just soak up the benefits and lie on the sofa watching Loose Women.
Those two separate issues — asylum seekers and sickness benefit — are crucial to our country. Rayner is on the wrong side of both.

But she’s nothing compared to Ed Millipede — the man outfoxed by a bacon sandwich. The man who led Labour to a historic defeat in 2015.
My spies tell me he is likely to pounce early — perhaps as soon as Labour has lost loads of council seats in the May elections. Incredibly, he has huge support in the party. He could whip together a leadership challenge overnight.
He is the reason the UK has the highest energy costs for industry and the second-highest for domestic consumers in Europe. He lives in a 1990s fantasy world.
He is opposed to opening up any sites for oil exploration. Despite the fact that we need, desperately, to provide our own energy, Ed is wedded to Net Zero. He would be an utter disaster for the country.
So that’s what lies in store for us if Sir Keir is given the elbow. Financial and social ruination. Which is why we should grit our teeth and hope to hell that Starmer survives the next six vital weeks.
And then, God willing, ditch the halfwit at the next General Election.

I SEE that the extravagantly named Claudia-Liza Vanderpuije has dropped her accusations against her Channel Five colleague, Dan Walker.
She had accused the bloke of sexism, bullying, misogyny and what have you.
Channel 5 launched an investigation which exonerated Walker. But ol’ CLV kept on with her nasty allegations.
It must have made life intolerable for Walker, who has always seemed a decent and gentlemanly sort to me.

But now, after a meeting with Channel 5, she has taken back every word she said.
Walker was happy to go to court and took no part in that meeting.
Let’s hope we hear no more from her. On screen or off.