DEAR DEIDRE: A ONE-night stand with a toy boy has left me questioning my own marriage.

I’m 48 and I’ve been married for 22 years, and until last weekend I would have said we were happy. We have two teenage kids and we all rub along well together.

When my closest friends invited me on a girls’ night out, I expected it to be a few cocktails, some gossip, and then an Uber home.

Instead, the three of us were approached by a group of lads in their late teens.

They were extremely flirty and we spent most of the night swatting them away. But one of them caught my eye. He was quieter than his friends, and tall with a perfect body.

I went to the ladies’ and as I returned, he was waiting by the door for me.

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He asked me for my number, but I said I was old enough to be his mother.

He carried on chatting to me and at the end of the night, he offered to walk me home. But we got as far as the park, where we had sex against the slide.

I should feel guilty, but I don’t. Instead I’m questioning how a 19-year-old man could know more about how to please me than my own husband, who has had over a quarter of a century to find out?

When he goes to touch me now, I shrug him off resentfully, and go upstairs to pleasure myself while I think about my younger lover.

The toyboy has been in touch, sending erotic messages and asking to meet again.

Remind me again why I shouldn’t do this? I can’t stop thinking about the sex.

DEIDRE SAYS: What you are feeling is lust. It’s not love, and it’s certainly not enough to throw away a long marriage and your family.

I understand you’re tempted and frustrated, but the fallout from this could be horrendous.

How would your kids feel if you left their father for a man only a couple of years older than they are?

Instead of walking away on a whim, try to improve things with your husband. It’s natural for couples to get into a rut in bed, especially in a long relationship. You probably have daily resentments building up that are lessening your enjoyment in bed.

It’s hard to experience total ecstasy when you’re mildly annoyed with daily irritations.

You created a full and happy life with your husband, surely it’s worth reinvesting in that, rather than burning it all to the ground?

My pack 50 Ways To Add More Fun To Sex will give you lots of new ideas.

I HAVE MASSIVE CRUSH ON NEW COLLEAGUE

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M very attracted to a man at work but I’m not sure how to bring us together.
I’ve recently joined a massive new company, and this man is head of my department. When I started, he was put in charge of my training.
He is supportive and encouraging.
We’re both in our 30s.
We have regular online meetings as a team, and he always has his camera on.
Whenever I make a comment he makes a point of thanking me for my contribution, or complimenting my ideas. I’m taking these as a green light. What can I do to move this forward?
DEIDRE SAYS: He may be attracted to you, but he could also simply be an encouraging and friendly manager.
You would be sensible to focus on building a professional relationship for the foreseeable as you are new. It takes time to get a feel for new colleagues and work cultures.
And please check your company’s policy on workplace relationships first.
Meeting new people would build your confidence, so look for networking groups at work and outside.

WIFE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A LODGER

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER three years in a long-distance relationship, I was thrilled when my wife finally moved from Ukraine to live with me in Wales.

We’d met online and built our relationship over messages, video calls and texts. I visited her several times and fell in love.

I’m 49, she is 45 and has an 18-year-old daughter.

We got married while still living in different countries. On our wedding night, she didn’t want sex, saying she was exhausted from the excitement of the wedding. I tried to be patient.

I expected things to improve when we were finally living together, but they’ve become worse.

Her teenage daughter initially lived in our spare bedroom.

Within two months, my wife sent me to sleep there because my tossing and turning was keeping her awake. Now they have twin beds in my room, and I’m on a tiny futon.

Physically, we are not close at all. Whenever I tried to kiss my wife, she brushed me away saying she was busy. The rejection got so hurtful that I eventually stopped trying.

We haven’t had sex once since she’s moved in. I’ve tried to initiate it, but she said her menopause symptoms were putting her off. I made her an appointment with our GP for her, but she cancelled it, saying she didn’t believe in artificial hormones.

These days, my evenings are spent in the spare bedroom, while my wife and her daughter watch their favourite TV shows downstairs. If I walk into the room, they react like I’m a weird lodger.

I’m feeling pushed out of my own house. My mental health is suffering, I’m depressed and lonely. Even my friends and family think this situation is deeply wrong.

DEIDRE SAYS: Of course you feel lonely. In all the ways that couples usually connect (spending time together, physical touch, sharing a bedroom), you are being rejected. It’s no surprise you feel like a lodger in your own home.

It’s very telling that she refuses to talk to a doctor about the menopause symptoms that are coming between you. She’s not motivated to change this situation.

For the sake of your mental health, it’s important you don’t let this drag on. Talk to her clearly and explain how this situation is making you feel.

If she still refuses to make any effort, then I would urge you to look at the reality of your situation.

Don’t keep hanging on for a future improvement that will never come. You are worth more than that.

GIRLFRIEND REELING OVER COMMENT FROM 8YRS AGO

DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend is still jealous about a comment I made eight years ago. We still fight about it and it’s the reason I’m reluctant to commit.
We are both 49 and eight years ago, after we had been dating for six months, at a friend’s BBQ I casually asked my friend how his younger sister was. She’d been in my year at school.
When we got back home, my girlfriend accused me of fancying the friend’s sister.
We patched that up, but she still brings it up every time she gets in a bad mood. I’ve tried splitting up with her but we always get back together.
DEIDRE SAYS: That is a long time to have the same argument. I suspect that this goes deeper than jealousy. It’s more likely to be about her insecurities and need for control.
Couples counselling would give you both a chance to break this cycle in a calm and structured environment.
It might also give you both clarity on why this relationship hasn’t yet moved closer.
My free support pack, How Counselling Can Help, explains more.

SEX-HELP CLINIC

DEAR DEIDRE: OUR sex life is excellent, apart from one thing, my girlfriend has no interest in oral pleasure.

We’ve been together for two years. I’m 29, she’s 31 and we moved in together six months ago.

Early on, she didn’t seem very keen when I went down on her. We didn’t talk about it so I assumed my technique just might need a bit of improvement.

I researched a few new tricks and tried again but she still wasn’t reacting. She just grabbed my head and pulled me back up.

She also never made a move to do oral on me, and gently sidestepped my attempts.

Giving and receiving oral is one of my favourite things to do in bed. I finally asked her about it and she said it’s not something she has any interest in.

I tried to accept that. But now we’re living together, I’m missing that aspect of intimacy.

I find it a very loving, sensual act to perform on a partner. And I also love the feeling I get when it’s performed on me.

I have tried sex toys designed to mimic a woman giving you oral, but it’s not the same.

I don’t want us to split up, so is there any way I can convince her to try it?

DEIDRE SAYS: Nobody should be made to do anything against their will in bed. Healthy relationships are all about respecting each other’s preferences and boundaries.

Many women love oral sex, but many don’t. It can feel too intimate, or embarrassing, or just not very stimulating. My free support pack Tensions Over Oral Sex has more information and advice.

If you can have a calm conversation, it might help you both to discover why she doesn’t like oral sex.

Just be sure there is absolutely no pressure on her to change her mind.

If nothing changes, would you still want to be in a relationship with her long- term? If so, then focus your attention on the activities you do enjoy together.

Find new, loving ways to bring intimacy into your daily life, and experiment with new positions, toys and techniques during foreplay and sex.