CABINET ministers are gathered around the table when an official bursts through the door shouting: “They’ve invaded.”
Phones start ringing. The generals are furious.
Wimpish Burnham faces his Thatcher moment over the Falklands — but he’d rather launch a focus group than a task force
Burnham has spent his political career trying desperately to avoid making a decision that might make him unpopular Credit: AP
The Defence Secretary is demanding answers.
Andy Burnham is staring helplessly at his Spotify playlist.
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Britain is engulfed in a new Falklands crisis.
Only this time the Armed Forces are threadbare and the Royal Navy is a shadow of the fleet that sailed 8,000 miles to reclaim the islands in 1982.
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And at the centre of it all stands our new PM, confronted with the one thing he has spent his political career trying desperately to avoid.
A decision that might make him unpopular.
It’s not a task force he wants to launch but a consultation.
“Could we perhaps have a national conversation?” he asks.
“Could we put it to a public vote? A review or at least a pause? Has anyone asked what the focus groups think?”
His aides point out that it’s not about a bus route or public service reform. It’s British territory.
Defence Secretary Wes Streeting produces a map of the South Atlantic.
Burnham studies it. “It’s a long way from Manchester,” the PM gulps.
The scenario may seem far-fetched but sabre-rattling Buenos Aires is about to test the Prime Minister’s diplomatic mettle for the first time.
Having spent his entire political life denouncing Margaret Thatcher, he now finds himself trapped in her shadow, forced to channel the iron resolve he once vilified as he navigates the unfolding Falklands row.
Argentina President Javier Milei has turned up the heat after detecting a weakness at the heart of the Labour Government.
The Austin Powers lookalike plans a new naval base in Tierra del Fuego and has threatened legal sanctions to halt drilling for oil 140 miles off the islands.
Forty-four years ago, Margaret Thatcher sent a task force of 127 ships, 43 of them Royal Navy vessels, across the Atlantic to fight a war Credit: Getty
Brave troops of the Scots Guards on Mount Tumbledown celebrate the news of the Argentine surrender in 1982 Credit: Getty
It’s unlikely that he will turn into his alter ego, Dr Evil, and mount a second attempt to seize them by force.
But that is almost beside the point. Silly Milei is probing Britain’s resolve through diplomacy, sanctions and military posturing.
And the uncomfortable question for Downing Street is not whether Argentina will send troops storming ashore tomorrow.
It is what Britain could realistically do if the rhetoric became something more dangerous.
Forty-four years ago, Margaret Thatcher sent a task force of 127 ships, 43 of them Royal Navy vessels, across the Atlantic to fight a war.
Today, the Navy is a much smaller force and has just 13 operationally available warships.
That matters because deterrence depends on what you are actually able to do — as well as what you say.
And so far, the words from No10 have been nothing short of wimpish.Burnham, who has pontificated on everything from GCSE results to his favourite pub snacks, has kept a Sphinx-like silence on the Falklands.
The lily-livered reaction from his spokesman was: “We continue to have a diplomatic relationship with Argentina, and . . . want to continue to strengthen that.”
But there’s worse. Former Foreign Office chief Lord McDonald questions whether the 3,600 islanders, who voted 99.8 per cent in favour of remaining a British Overseas Territory in 2013, should have the right to self-determination when British taxpayers fork out £500million a year to defend them.
His stance is an insult not only to democracy but to the 255 British military personnel who died liberating the islanders from Argentinian invaders.
Lord McDonald may have left the Foreign Office in 2020, but his views give an alarming insight into Whitehall group-think — the same mentality which last year surrendered sovereignty of the Chagos Island and tried to block Brexit after the biggest democratic vote in our history.
Today, the Navy is a much smaller force and has just 13 operationally available warships Credit: Getty
In a bizarre twist, while Burnham snubs the Thatcher legacy, President Milei is a great admirer Credit: Reuters
Will our new PM have the clout to stand up not only to Argentina but to the civil service too?
Margaret Thatcher famously charmed a reluctant US President Ronald Reagan to back Britain in 1982.
Burnham faces a tougher task persuading Donald Trump, furious over his decision to press on with the Chagos deal and Labour’s refusal to join the Iran war.
Massive oil reserves off the islands — enough to fund defence of the islands for the next two centuries — could drive him to rethink the USA’s traditional neutral stance.
Which makes it an even bigger headache for Burnham.
He has spent the past few years arguing about redistribution of power in Britain. Now the world has presented him with a rather different question, he is silent.
In a bizarre twist, while he snubs the Thatcher legacy, President Milei is a great admirer.
The Argentine leader imported her policies successfully to tame inflation and drag the country out of debt for the first time in years.
He even brandished a chainsaw to illustrate his determination to cut out waste and slash the benefits bill.
But the cuts have dented his own popularity, which is why he’s now banging the Falklands drum.
Milei may have just handed Britain’s most reluctant Thatcherite the one thing he never wanted: a Thatcher moment.
Will he rise to the challenge — or retreat to his favourite soundtrack by The Smiths?
I was looking for a job and then I found a job. And Heaven knows I’m miserable now.
MORE than 60,000 people have been arrested over the past five years for things they posted online, according to a report by campaign group Big Brother Watch.
That’s 33 every day.
With so much police time taken up, is it any surprise that shoplifters and burglars are having a field day?
A HIGHLIGHT of Andy Burnham’s first week in the Commons as PM was his “love in” with Lib Dem leader Ed Davey.
The PM nodded as he was asked about forging closer links with the EU.
To Davey’s delight, Burnham confirmed he would use an upcoming summit with Brussels chiefs to continue pushing us back into the EU’s orbit.
Predictably, he also blamed Brexit for a “decade of low growth” in Britain.
Have these two Remainers forgotten that their parties voted down THREE TIMES Theresa May’s withdrawal agreement, which would have left considerable room for the closer ties they now crave?
They threw it away in their enthusiasm to block the biggest democratic vote in UK history.
It’s also worth noting that Burnham’s first act as PM – saving households £45 a year by cutting VAT on energy bills – would not have been possible had we still been EU members.
Just saying.
