BLACKING out after being strangled by the evil partner who had tortured her for hours, Harmony Hayman believed she would never wake up.
Surviving against the odds, she told The Jattvibe how she lives in fear as the caged abuser is set to finish a 13-year stretch early.
Harmony is a survivor of domestic abuse Credit: Supplied
The 33-year old suffered for seven years and thought she would die Credit: Supplied
Harmony says her ex is currently serving a prison sentence for drug-related offences but is set to be released “any day now” as part of new laws to free up space in overcrowded prisons.
Prime Minister Andy Burnham has vowed to halt early releases – but only from October 1.
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“I was instantly terrified when I found out,” says the survivor, who suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.
“I’ve been having panic attacks every day and I can’t sleep at night.”
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Harmony has claimed the police are investigating alleged threats made to kill her by her ex too, which she says were sent from inside prison on a contraband phone.
“I’ve given up hope on him changing,” she sighs, of always having to look over her shoulder.
“It’s just a case of waiting for him to get a life sentence.”
“I thought he would kill me so many times,” says Harmony, 33, about the abuser who ruled her life for seven long years.
“I would blackout constantly and wake up on the floor thinking: ‘Oh my god, I’m alive’.
“With the last attack I truly believed I wasn’t going to make it out of the house that day.
Harmony bravely reveals the domestic abuse injuries she suffered Credit: Supplied
He would regularly punch, slap and strangle Harmony Credit: Supplied
“He told me he was going to kill me and I believed him.
“I’m still surprised I survived.”
Looking back, there were plenty of red flags ignored by the vulnerable teenager at the start of the relationship with him, not least the fact he had been in trouble with the police from an early age.
“I was 16 when we met and he quickly became my best friend,” recalls the personal trainer.
“He was three years older than me and it felt like he had all the answers in life.
“I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder soon after we got together and he became my biggest support network.
“I loved him to bits.”
But within months, her boyfriend was controlling every aspect of her life.
Distraught Harmony was put in an induced coma after she tried to end her life Credit: Supplied
Her abuser assaulted her on the street the moment she left hospital Credit: Supplied
“He was in and out of prison for the first few years,” says Harmony, from Gosport, Hampshire.
“We were still having a relationship through letters and he was able to control me through those letters.
“He controlled everything, from what I ate to who I spoke to.
“It was so extreme I couldn’t even leave the house.”
By 2016, the couple were living together – and Harmony was trapped in a living hell.
“He used to tell me I was his, that if I spoke to anybody else I was going to get hurt,” she says.
“He would take me down alleyways and try to strangle me.
“I always thought it was my fault because I must have done something wrong to deserve it.
“He was taking Class A drugs and he got me to take them as well, he forced me to take cocaine and I went on to develop a serious habit.”
Her partner’s campaign of terror included punching Harmony, slapping her and strangling her to the point of unconsciousness.
“He was three times the size of me so a slap from him was knocking me clean out,” says the domestic abuse survivor.
“It escalated to punching me in the stomach, I had two miscarriages as a result.
“The first time I miscarried I tried to leave him, I fled to Birmingham, but within a couple of months he talked me round and I returned home.”
By 2017, Harmony describes her ex’s behaviour as turning “psychotic”.
“He would walk into the house, I’d say ‘hi’ and he would beat the hell out of me,” she says.
“Or he would strangle me until I fell unconscious.”
In August that year, Harmony took an overdose and tried to end her life after being beaten up by him.
“My dad found me unconscious in the flat and took me to hospital,” she said.
“I was on breathing support in intensive care, put into an induced coma, and my mum and dad were told to say their goodbyes and prepare for the worst.
“They took a photo of me in the hospital in case I made it through.
“I can’t remember anything from it, everything I know is from what my parents told me.”
She was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, only to be assaulted again when she left it.
“He backhanded me and knocked me out outside the hospital,” she says.
“He was charged with common assault.
“I left him that day, I got a non-molestation order but he got in my head again and when I got out of hospital I moved back in with him.”
Then in October 2017, Harmony says her ex woke her up in her sleep before launching a sickening, three hour long attack she describes as being like a “horror movie”.
“He would be attacking me one second and the next he would be wiping the blood from my face and calling me beautiful and telling me he loved me,” she recalls.
She was finally able to get a restraining order against him Credit: Supplied
Her ex is currently service a prison sentence for drug-related offences but is set to be released early Credit: Supplied
“Then he would be strangling me unconscious again.
“It was a psychotic rage – he punched me, slapped me, pulled my hair, threw me around, spat at me and threw drinks in my face, degrading me every way he could.
“I managed to get my phone back off him and contacted my dad who came to pick me up, which saved my life.”
Harmony’s ex was convicted of assault occasioning actual bodily harm, known as ABH, and she secured a five year restraining order against him.
She had finally found the courage to leave him and almost a decade on, continues to heal following her ordeal.
Harmony, who calls herself a survivor not a victim, has started Beyond the Sentence UK to urge for urgent reforms to protect survivors of domestic abuse.
He has since allegedly threatened to kill her via threats made on a contraband phone Credit: Supplied
She is campaigning for better protections for survivors Credit: Supplied
A review of early release decisions, the better management of repeat violent offenders and an improved protection for victims are top of her agenda.
“I have been contacted by so many other victims,” she says.
“I’m staying celibate for now because it’s a lot easier for my mental health,” adds Harmony, when asked about future relationships.
“I’m still fighting with my self worth and self esteem and I get very fearful when it comes to men.
“I’ve got a long way to go before I will trust another person.
“What he has done to me has left a lifelong scar.”
Sign Harmony’s petition here
Domestic abuse – how to get help
DOMESTIC abuse can affect anyone – including men – and does not always involve physical violence.
Here are some signs that you could be in an abusive relationship:
Emotional abuse – Including being belittled, blamed for the abuse – gaslighting – being isolated from family and friends, having no control over your finances, what you where and who you speak to
Threats and intimidation – Some partners might threaten to kill or hurt you, destroy your belongings, stalk or harass you
Physical abuse – This can range from slapping or hitting to being shoved over, choked or bitten.
Sexual abuse – Being touched in a way you do not want to be touched, hurt during sex, pressured into sex or forced to have sex when you do not consent.
If any of the above apply to you or a friend, you can call these numbers:
Remember, you are not alone.
1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience domestic abuse over the course of their lifetime.
Every 30 seconds the police receive a call for help relating to domestic abuse.
