Getting short end of the stick, butt it’s fine

A cigaret comes successful useful arsenic an economical indicator: a displacement successful the marque is simply a faithful scale of the outgo of living

Baba Ramdev’s caller video astir starting a “sherbet jihad” against (presumably) the iconic Rooh Afza reminded maine of a jihad that has been raging for immoderate clip present but hasn’t got the attraction it deserves. I notation to the “cigarette jihad” against smokers, which is acold much ubiquitous than the different jihads: the second are constricted successful scope, applicable lone to members of definite religions, but the “cigarette jihad” applies crossed the committee to everyone who smokes, irrespective of his oregon her religion, and is simply a shocking show of secularism, successful my view.

No 1 but a smoker understands afloat the import of the saying: you tin tally but you can’t hide. For a smoker today, there’s nary spot to fell (and person a quiescent puff) — helium is banished from restaurants, cinema halls, buses and metros, drafting rooms, planes and airports, and adjacent successful his ain castle helium has to instrumentality refuge successful either a toilet oregon a balcony. His societal presumption is little than that of a Punjabi oregon Gujarati migrant successful Trump’s America. Doctors speech down to him, Finance Ministers dainty him similar a milch cow, hotels consign him to smoking rooms without immoderate country service, airdrome managers shove him into smoking cubicles resembling tandoors, socialites crook up their rump astatine him with a flounce, beauteous girls garbage to stock their mobile numbers with him.

In Washington for a World Bank meeting, I had to spell down 30 floors, retired successful the freezing cold, each clip I wished to person a cigarette. Cadging a fewer cardinal dollars from the slope surely wasn’t worthy the effort. But it wasn’t ever truthful for radical of my generation.

I started smoking successful my archetypal twelvemonth successful assemblage and person not looked backmost since, but to recollect, with a interaction of nostalgia the bully aged days of Clint Eastwood, Marlon Brando and Humphrey Bogart, who ever spoke done a unreality of smoke. One could fume anyplace past — with a cupful of java astatine Trinca’s connected Park Street watching the non-pareil Usha Uthup belting retired ‘Ramba ho’, oregon successful the AC manager portion travelling location to Kanpur from Calcutta, oregon portion watching a movie successful the Rivoli successful Connaught Place. Till the aboriginal 1990s, I distinctly retrieve being allowed to fume adjacent connected planetary flights, occasionally adjacent being talented a mates of packs of Marlboros by an air-hostess impressed with my diplomatic passport! (In those days, wrestling federation chiefs didn’t get these maroon passports!). Girls didn’t precisely swoon implicit america (that was reserved for the leftists), but they did occasionally cuddle up for a second-hand whiff and that was, arsenic Omar Khayyam would person nary uncertainty said, “Heaven enow.”

Why, 1 could adjacent airy up during occupation interviews: I retrieve being interviewed by the Director Personnel of SBI successful the Parliament Street bureau for the occupation of a Probationary Officer. I lit up portion waiting for my turn; erstwhile I was called, I walked successful with my cigarette, discarded not, privation not, being my creed. I didn’t get the job, of course, but not due to the fact that of the lighted fag. I fishy it had thing to bash with my reply to the Director’s question: “Where bash you spot yourself 5 years from present successful this bank?” In hindsight, my reply was possibly excessively cocky: “In your chair, sir.” I person since learned that honesty is ne'er the champion argumentation astatine occupation interviews.

Non-smokers are not alert of what they are missing. Cigarettes are the nutrient for breached souls. You can’t bargain happiness but anyone tin bargain cigarettes, and that comes beauteous close. Oscar Wilde famously said “a cigaret is the cleanable benignant of a cleanable pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves 1 unsatisfied. What much tin 1 want?” Groucho Marx went a measurement further erstwhile helium stated that, fixed the prime betwixt a pistillate and a cigar, helium would ever take the cigar. At the property of 74, I spot the contented successful what helium said: it’s easier present to airy up a cigaret than a woman. There are different benefits too: smoking is the cleanable mode to perpetrate termination without really dying, and truthful it obviates the request for having to prevention up for your aged age!

One last thought. Cigarettes, oregon astatine slightest the buying of them, is simply a precise close indicator of inflation, surely overmuch amended than the depletion “basket” authorities economists are talking astir each the time. This basket, of course, is rigged similar a casino. But a smoker ne'er lies.

I started my smoking vocation successful the aboriginal ’70s with the humble beedi (which outgo astir 25 paise for a battalion of 10) since my Dad gave maine a pouch wealth of Rs 10 per period only. In the fullness of time, arsenic home income rose, 1 progressed up the carcinogenic standard to Wills Flake, Wills Navy Cut, Gold Flake and India Kings. The apotheosis was attained when, aft the generosity of the Sixth Pay Commission, 1 touched the sublime heights of Classics and Marlboros. Sadly, that didn’t past agelong though with the accomplishment of Ms Sitharaman. So, similar an Everest summiteer, 1 descended backmost the mode 1 had travel — a marque notch little with the filing of each successive ITR.

This spot of past is premier earthy worldly for economists, who seldom spot cooked-up authorities figures to find ostentation rates, and look for secondary indicators: household savings, fig of cars bought, powerfulness consumption, existent property prices, and truthful on. They besides trust connected immoderate alternatively unusual if not weird indicators. Alan Greenspan, the past Federal Reserve chairman, invented the Underwear Index to gauge user sentiments and economical cycles — his mentation was that successful a downturn, radical bought less underwear! A much caller 1 has been reported by The Wall Street Journal. It says that erstwhile much radical bring luncheon from home, that indicates a tightening of the fund belt.

This is precisely wherever the cigaret comes successful useful arsenic an economical indicator: a displacement successful the marque is simply a faithful scale of the outgo of living. As for me, I’m desperately trying to trim my regular intake of the crab sticks but it’s a losing battle, methinks, particularly with pensioners apt to beryllium denied the benefits of the Eighth Pay Commission. As the cheery smoker, who was trying to quit, confided successful his friend: I’m down to 2 butts a day.

— The writer is simply a retired IAS officer