I’ve been feeling a bit low these last few months, enveloped in a feeling of missing out on something, what the acronym generation would term FOMO — Fear of Missing Out. Somewhat like Sanju Samson being left out of the team for the first few matches of the T20 World Cup. Let me explain.The author and blogger Manu Joseph is someone I admire; he has an innovative mind, an imagination that soars like a hypersonic missile. In a recent blog, he explained how hard it now is for the “uber wealthy” to maintain their distinct social status above the humbler “very wealthy”. Till now, this was done by buying status symbols like designer and bespoke cars, flats in Dubai, annual trips to Biarritz, bouncers in black T-shirts, luxury yachts and arm candy from Italy. Economists call these Veblen goods, where the higher the price the higher is the demand for them. They confer status. Not anymore.With ordinary millionaires now mushrooming like bhakts at a Modi rally in Houston, the uber rich billionaires have lost their exclusivity or uniqueness. Anyone from Karol Bagh who does not pay his GST (which includes everyone in KB) can now buy what was once the exclusive preserve of the billionaires. Let me pursue Manu Joseph’s idea.The bar for the uber rich is getting higher with every turn of the cronyism cycle. Therefore, to maintain their social distance and snobbery, they are resorting to outlandish stratagems, indulging in extreme ventures. Like paying $55 million for a trip to space on SpaceX or Virgin Galactic, or $5 million for diving down to the Titanic in a submersible, or buying a plot of land on the dark side of the Moon (which Trump will probably acquire once he has had his Jolene moment with Cuba). So strong is the pressure to be “different” that it does not seem to matter that they may not survive these ventures!But — and here’s the interesting part — the uber wealthy celebrities in Hollywood and other red-carpet bastions of showbiz want no part of risking life and limb to be different. In fact, they go to the other extreme: they insure their limbs instead, for mind-boggling sums! Julia Roberts’ smile is insured for $30 million, Ronaldo and Beckham have insured their legs for $117 and $70 million, respectively, Taylor Swift for $40 million (quite under-priced, in my view). But this pales into spindly insignificance in front of Mariah Carey’s legs, which command $1 billion. Really, are those legs or ATMs? Bringing up the rear, however, is this piece de resistance: Kim Kardashian’s buttocks are insured for $21 million, but even this is not within touching distance of Jennifer Lopez’s derriere, insured for $300 million. Even the Karol Bagh Junejas would find it difficult to match these status symbols, what?In India, however, our crorepati showbiz celebrities are more pragmatic and stingy. They have started acquiring their exclusive status by a less expensive method — by claiming “personality rights”, which no one else can usurp. All it requires is a 10-rupee stamp paper and an unemployed lawyer. No wonder these days there is a virtual flood of these petitions in courts. Personality Rights (PR) protect an individual’s public persona and identity — voice, image, likeness, mannerisms — from unauthorised commercial exploitation.This list of protectees now threatens to exceed the protectees under the Z category of the Home Ministry, and includes Abhishek Bachchan, Aishwarya Rai, Anil Kapoor, Karan Johar, Shah Rukh Khan and Daler Mehndi. So now you can’t sing like Asha Bhosle, build biceps like Salman Khan, smirk like Karan Johar, bat your eyelids like Aishwarya Rai or say “Khamosh” like Shatrughan Sinha (I’m not joking — a court has just ordered that he has the rights over that expression). Very soon, you’ll not be able to hug like Mr Modi or Rahul Gandhi, cough like Kejriwal, employ MS Dhoni’s “helicopter shot”, or expose your six-packs like King Khan while spreading your arms in the Titanic pose.The message going out is simple and clear — if you’ve not had your PR protected by a court, you don’t count.It goes without saying that our courts are going overboard on this matter, which is a tussle between the right to privacy and freedom of expression. The point is: if Salman Khan flexes his pectorals in a paan masala ad, or Shilpa Shetty swings her derriere down a ramp, or AR Rahman croons in an auditorium — all this is done in public, and is in the public domain. They voluntarily gave up their right to privacy to earn a few millions, so how can emulating them, talking about it or making memes or sarcastic comments about them constitute a violation of their PR? Next we’ll have a Keshto Mukherjee seeking PR protection for acting drunk in public, or Mr Nitish Kumar claiming a patent for political defection!But I’m not waiting for the courts to get their act together. I’ve decided to apply for protection of my own personality rights so that my editors and publishers treat me with some respect. Problem is, my wife Neerja says my personality resembles that of a proboscis monkey; these monkeys are already in zoos (maybe a few in some forests too), and therefore these looks are already in the public domain so they cannot be protected. But I disagree. From certain angles, and in subdued lighting, I have an uncanny resemblance to Mr Bean, and can therefore seek protection as a Mr Has-Been. Cheaper than insuring my legs or patootie, what?Did I hear someone titter: Khamosh?— The writer is a retired IAS officer