THIRTY-SIX years after travelling to see my first World Cup game, against Costa Rica, I finally witnessed that rarest of human experiences at the weekend.
An actual Scotland victory . . . against “mighty” Haiti, the undisputed kings of the Concacaf play-offs.
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Scotland enjoyed a victory against the ‘mighty’ Haiti Credit: SNS Group
Proud Scotsman Ally Ross poses with a replica trophy Credit: Unknown
Only the fifth win in the whole history of our country’s patchy involvement in this competition.
So how did this once-in-a-lifetime triumph feel?
Well, you probably saw it for yourselves, so there’s no point lying.
It was a hot, sweaty, uncomfortable and wretched experience.
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A desperate 1-0 rearguard action secured thanks to a John McGinn stub at the ball that deflected off two Haitians and probably the ghost of Papa Doc Duvalier — that poor benighted nation’s most brutal dictator — on its way in.
So there were no lavish celebrations, until the early hours of the next morning, or indeed anything other than a feeling of relief that we hadn’t overtaken Coldplay’s kisscam incident as the most embarrassing thing ever to happen at the Foxborough stadium.
Mind you, the circumstances didn’t help the Tartan Army’s downbeat mood.
For it is a gigantic toilet of an arena that bears as much relation to “Boston” as “London” does to Luton airport.
It’s hard to enter and about as difficult to escape as that supermax Cecot prison in El Salvador which Richard Madeley visited recently. And it has none of Cecot’s architectural allure either.
A travesty and a shame, because the Tartan Army, like all football fans, deserve so much better than to be treated like cattle, by those parasites at Fifa.
Everything you’ve read about the greatest supporters on Earth is also true.
The Scotland fans have been on an astonishing 40 per cent proof charm offensive since our aeroplanes all ran out of booze somewhere over Greenland.
The Tartan Army deserve so much better than to be treated like cattle by those parasites at Fifa Credit: PA
Everything you’ve read about the greatest supporters on Earth is true Credit: Alamy
So effective has this campaign been that two of our group were handed $75 by one emotional American who could say only “I love you Scottish, man,” on the way to Foxborough at the weekend.
They would have taken up his thoughtful offer of a lift to the ground as well, if he hadn’t been the one man in Massachusetts who was more professionally plastered than the Tartan Army.
The supremely patient and welcoming Bostonians have been shaking hands and shouting “Go Scotland” ever since the final whistle, of course.
A reaction that meets with a sheepish smile and makes all of us feel a bit fraudulent, frankly.
So I’ll avoid the usual gloating celebrations, which always involve a tortured parody of that Norwegian commentator’s long list of famous people and just leave it at this.
Wyclef Jean: Your boys were robbed.
