IF you want a friend in politics, get yourself a dog.

But I hear Andy Burnham is still ­deciding whether to bring his trusty pooch Axel down to London with him.

Andy Burnham’s new Cabinet really don’t think he’s all that Credit: Getty

Sir Keir Starmer makes a statement in front of 10 Downing Street Credit: AFP

He might want a familiar face when he discovers just how slippery this bunch of Labour MPs can be.

The very same politicians who slag him off in private now fawn over their new Messiah without shame.

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One MP yesterday even had the cheek to wax lyrical about Burnham on the radio, despite referring to him last year as a “mediocre man” who should get back in his Manchester box.

There are enough brass necks in the Parliamentary Labour Party to melt down and build an entire orchestra.

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It is not unusual for creatures of Westminster to speak with forked tongues, and journalists like myself are often grateful recipients of MPs unloading in private.

(I know for a fact that some of ­Burnham’s new Cabinet really don’t think he’s all that, having told me as much.)

But the galactic level of brown-nosing has been particularly unedifying in recent weeks as they toady up to their new PM.

“Just horrendous”, is how one minister describes to me the sucking up going on behind closed doors.

I remember when Labour MPs once had the same doe-eyed affection for a certain Keir Rodney Starmer (remember him?)

After being sacked by Burnham yesterday, embittered Steve Reed replied icily: “I hope those who did not show loyalty to Keir will now show it to you.”

Surely the lesson from the last decade of British politics is that there is a fat chance of that.

Not that Burnham needs reminding, having stuck the knife himself into Starmer despite his “nothing to do with me, guv” protests.

His close ally, Louise Haigh, even bizarrely revealed that they had been plotting for a year to bring down Starmer.

The point is that Burnham may feel an unassailable king of the castle right now, but dethroning is an occupational hazard for PMs these days.

Burnham at least has a Praetorian Guard of loyalists around him — a ­“Manchester mafia” — the likes of which Starmer could never rely on.

He also beats the low bar of being a far better communicator, both with the wider country and making time for fragile MPs.

Louise Haigh bizarrely revealed that they had been plotting for a year to bring down Starmer Credit: Getty

It is smart to keep Shabana Mahmood in the Home Office where she is making genuine strides on migration Credit: Getty

And surely Labour MPs won’t get rid of ANOTHER leader before the next election for risk of looking rather like those ­feckless Tories.

But that does not mean they will roll over and do Burnham’s bidding.

Indeed, they are being given looser leashes as he pledges to rip up the whipping system.

It risks out-of-touch Labour MPs trying to pull even further away from the public’s priorities on the key issues such as welfare and immigration.

The party’s not-so-soft Left think Andy is one of them and will expect him to go on a spending spree to fund all their ­various hobby horses.

Their wishlist will soon come into ­contact with the reality of a Treasury currently spending one in every 12 pounds just paying off our debts.

Burnham’s top appointments are a good omen that he is so far resisting left-wing pressure to stock the Cabinet with hardliners.

In John Healey we have a sensible economic hawk who won’t go crazy with the nation’s credit card, but will plough money into vital areas like his old berth at Defence.

New Foreign Secretary Ed Miliband has been kept as far away from the public finances as possible by packing him off abroad.

Although I would love to be a fly on the wall during his first meeting with the Trump administration and its visceral hatred of his Net Zero crusade.

It is smart to keep Shabana Mahmood in the Home Office where she is making genuine strides on migration.

She knows that the public are impatient on small boats and asylum hotels and often finds herself swimming against the tide of her own party.

In John Healey we have a sensible economic hawk who won’t go crazy with the nation’s credit card, but will plough money into vital areas like his old berth at Defence Credit: Getty

New Foreign Secretary Ed Miliband has been kept as far away from the public finances as possible by packing him off abroad Credit: PA

Starmer’s premiership went south when he gave up trying to govern in the ­interests of the country and instead focused on narrow party interests.

It saw Reform break away in the polls and Labour’s support collapse just two years after that loveless election landslide.

Labour decided that none of those 403 MPs could beat Farage — but thought ­perhaps Burnham just had what it takes.

After returning to Parliament in a by-election, the new PM promised every decision in No10 would be subject to a “Makerfield test”.

What would ordinary folk say about that down the Dog And Duck on a Friday night?

This test will inevitably bring him into friction with some of the MPs who now appear to worship him.

Burnham’s “matey-matey” collaborative approach may need to give way to a ­ruthlessness to drive through his agenda in the interest of mainstream voters.

The former backroom fixer clearly isn’t entirely lily-livered, having embarked on a brutal purge of the Starmerites yesterday.

Sometimes politics is about picking ­battles and it can get lonely at the top.

The last bloke famously said “country first, party second” and then turned it on its head.

Burnham will now have to show his mettle in Downing Street — to stop Britain going to the dogs.