BRITISH politics is rarely simple and often ridiculous, but today’s Makerfield by-election really takes the biscuit.

The future leadership of the UK is in the hands of 77,000 voters, who have been presented with the most bizarre conundrum.

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The Makerfield by-election presents a bizarre conundrum for the 77,000 voters in the constituency Credit: AFP

The future leadership of the UK could be at stake with the Makerfield by-election Credit: Getty

Want to get rid of Sir Keir Starmer? You are probably best voting for the Labour candidate, Andy Burnham.

You voted for the PM last time but have grown so fed up that you are now backing Nigel Farage? Careful, a vote for Reform might give Starmer a stay of execution.

You are a right-winger who likes the cut of Rupert Lowe’s jib? Voting Restore might just make way for a hard-left government.

You have to feel for those poor sods in Makerfield, and not just because a Team Burnham source told me they have knocked on every door in the constituency EIGHT times.

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The ring-doorbells are out of battery, the novelty has worn off.

We can only hope these campaign footsoldiers went to the pub during last night’s England match.

By the time you read this, ballots have likely started dropping into boxes, each one potentially having a hugely disproportionate impact on the path the country takes next.

The smart money is still on a Burnham victory — he is popular in this part of the world — although allies tell me it is “far from comfortable” given the amount of moving parts.

Sir Keir Starmer will face a threat to his leadership if Andy Burnham wins the by-election Credit: AP

Nigel Farage is hoping that Reform UK can make a statement by winning in Makerfield Credit: Getty

Likewise a close aide to Nigel Farage tells me Reform are “definitely still in with a shout” of winning.

Yet, let’s assume the Manchester Mayor clinches the win and returns to Parliament as an MP, what happens then?

Burnham will not use a victory speech in Wigan town hall to launch his leadership bid in the small hours of Friday morning.

Nor, according to a close lieutenant, will he make his move even within 72 hours.

But a consensus is building that he will want to strike while the iron’s hot.

Team Burnham is well aware of Downing Street’s strategy to puncture his momentum with delaying tactics.

Starmer even suggested yesterday he wanted to give Burnham a Cabinet job. But this offer has been obviously rebuffed.

No10 will also make hay of Burnham’s promise to take a leading role in the subsequent by-election for the Manchester Mayoralty, which is the result of his decision to head for Westminster.

Reform and the Greens are both gunning for the prize.

Downing Street believes Burnham gave private assurances to Labour’s governing body when he sought to become the Makerfield candidate.

I can reveal the letter he sent to the National Executive, which Team Starmer now wants to throw back in Burnham’s face: “If I were successful in gaining a seat in the House of Commons, I would ensure that proper campaign support is in place to build on the success of previous elections.

“I also believe I would be able to mobilise Party members across the region to support the campaign so that we have an exceptional field operation.”

Team Burnham say they have knocked on every door in the constituency EIGHT times Credit: PA

The Makerfield by-election pressed pause on the steady stream of MPs telling the PM to quit Credit: PA

Starmer’s allies say this pledge binds him to spend the next 35 days in Manchester rather than plot his ascent to No10. A Burnham pal gives this short shrift: “They’re nuts if they think Andy will just disappear to Manchester for a few weeks.”

In truth, Team Starmer has rocked up to a political knifefight holding plastic spoons.

He has deployed all the tricks a leader can use: he has tried blocking Burnham, he has tried love-bombing him, and he has tried delaying him.

But the bottom line is that the PM’s authority is ebbing away at such a rate of knots that a challenge is inevitable now.

The PM is adamant he will fight. But so was Boris Johnson until so many of his ministers quit that he was simply unable to form a government.

The Makerfield by-election pressed pause on the steady stream of MPs telling the PM to quit — but it will likely resume once Burnham makes his comeback.

It could see Starmer’s administration totally disembowelled to the point he has no option but to stand aside.

One senior Labour MP tells me: “There are people backing Andy, and there are others in the mix.

“But the number of people backing ‘change’ in some form is just overwhelming. It will rip the heart out of Keir’s government that it leaves him no choice but to go.”

While Burnham is clearly the Coming Man in the eyes of many suck-up Labour MPs falling over themselves to kiss the ring, others are sceptical.

It is why, despite his best efforts, he may well be denied a coronation and face a contest for the Labour crown.

Privately, even supportive MPs say Burnham has been untested both as Manchester Mayor and in this by-election campaign.

Many in the party would like to see Burnham sweat under the spotlight of a Labour leadership race Credit: PA

Starmer might have the political antennae of a Nokia Brick, but he wasn’t wrong when he said that a new leader would spark chaos Credit: Reuters

So far he has had the luxury of campaigning entirely in platitudes and failed to put any flesh on the bones of what his premiership would look like.

Many in the party would like to see him sweat under the spotlight of a Labour leadership race.

Word is that many in his camp are already scrapping over policies and trying to pull this political shape-shifter in different directions.

And then there is the elephant in the room and what is quite possibly Starmer’s last card: that the man from Manchester has no mandate in Westminster.

We are in the most politically febrile times in recent memory and could be on the brink of our next PM having the blessing of nobody except around 20,000 Makerfield voters, assuming he wins about half of a 50 per cent turnout.

He will have barely a toe across No10’s threshold when the calls start for a general election.

His enemies in the party have already been collecting the receipts of when he demanded the same during the Tory revolving-door years.

Starmer might have the political antennae of a Nokia Brick, but he wasn’t wrong when he said that a new leader would spark chaos.

So strap in for some political as well as sporting drama this World Cup summer.

The difference is England has world-class superstars like Harry Kane, Jude Bellingham and Declan Rice to call upon.

Labour has a washed up No10 — and a below-par subs bench of Left-wingers.