THE fortnight before a wedding is always hectic. But I wasn’t frantically turning the pages of my huge wedding folder to confirm plans. I was cancelling it all – with only two weeks until the big day.
I met Ben* on a dating app in February 2018. He was nice and genuine, and I was soon sure I’d found The One. We did have rocky moments when Ben would feel distant, and we’d argue before reconciling. But I pushed away my doubts and was thrilled when he proposed in March 2024.
Nurse Ayen Manahan called off her wedding just weeks before the big day Credit: Instagram/ayenman__
The moment Ben* proposed to Ayen at the top of a mountain Credit: Supplied
Setting the wedding date for October 2025, we booked a church and a lovely waterside venue for the reception and invited 230 guests.
While Ben sorted out tuxedos for himself and the seven groomsmen at a cost of £5,000, I focused on picking seven bridesmaids’ dresses, which cost £450, my own gorgeous £8,000 gown, 18-carat gold wedding rings for £2,600, and booking a saxophonist and DJ.
Our parents paid around £13,000 for the venue and catering, and I spent £2,000 on supplier deposits.
But even in the crazy whirl of wedding planning, something wasn’t right. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should be happy and excited instead of worried and uncertain. And Ben and I didn’t feel as loving towards each other as we’d once been.
All the time, things were being confirmed and paid for, and friends and family were arranging flights, so it felt like a train hurtling towards a destination.
Then, at my bridal shower, three weeks before the wedding, Ben made a speech. He gave me lots of compliments and said how lucky he was to be marrying me, but it seemed so fake, and the kiss we shared in front of everyone felt like the first we’d had in weeks.
I realised I was faking it, plastering on a smile when I didn’t feel joyful inside. So, the next day, Ben and I sat down to talk it all out, but we couldn’t reach any resolution. In the days that followed, we tried to talk on the phone, but ended up yelling at each other, before agreeing to meet again in person.
Ben offered three options. One: we go ahead with the wedding and hope it worked out. Two: we could postpone the wedding and work on our relationship. Or three: call it off and go our separate ways.
Ayen thought Ben’s speech at her bridal shower felt fake Credit: supplied
She felt so guilty about cancelling the wedding but knew she had to in order to stop a ‘lifetime of unhappiness’ Credit: supplied
I knew my answer. A wedding is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, and this was the most miserable I’d ever been. We hugged before walking away, and I actually felt relieved. My gut was telling me this wasn’t right for weeks – finally, I was listening to it.
But I felt so guilty about all the people we’d invited, and sick at the thought of the £29,000 that we’d already spent. However, I knew it wasn’t worth a lifetime of unhappiness.
Ben and I wrote an email to our guests explaining that the wedding was cancelled, apologising and asking for privacy. Everyone was amazing about it – the people from overseas decided to come anyway to support me.
The next few weeks were an emotional rollercoaster as I tried to cancel suppliers.
Because the venue and caterers were non-refundable, my mum and Ben’s mum, who were still friends, decided to instead create a fundraising event for their church.
It seemed a good way to transform an awful situation into something positive.
On what would have been my wedding day, I woke up in tears and had a panic attack – everything I’d been bottling up flooded out. But I was determined to attend the fundraiser.
I even gave a speech thanking everyone for coming and saw lots of people who’d have been there if it had still been my wedding.
Ayen is happily single and currently travelling the world Credit: Instagram/ayenman__
The next day, I was so glad it was over – I felt lighter and freer than I had in months. I still haven’t collected my dress from the boutique, and I have no idea what I’ll do with it or the rings.
But the last eight months have been amazing. I’ve travelled to Hawaii, LA and Japan. I’m still single and have realised I don’t need another person to make me happy. Ben and I bumped into each other at a festival, which was awkward, but there are no hard feelings.
I’ve also learned that I’m stronger than I thought. Walking away from a wedding takes bravery, and I’m proud of myself.
I want other women to listen to their intuition. You deserve real happiness, not second best.
