HERE’S one for our new Smiths-loving PM: “Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This One Before.”
As Saint Andy of Us, in the Diocese of Manchester, is carried aloft into No10 by a joyous Labour Party on a bed of platitudes, porkies and 80s bangers, I can’t shake two sickly feelings.
The soaring cringefest of Andy Burnham’s rise to become PM leaves me with two sickly feelings I can’t shake
There is something unbelievably cringe about Andy Burnham, who literally vibed his way into high office Credit: Alamy
Firstly, I am willing to point out what many breathless colleagues in the media seem unable or unwilling to publicly admit about the Emperor with New Clothes.
There is something unbelievably cringe about Andy Burnham.
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It was a tough watch yesterday as our new PM dad-bopped to New Order after accepting victory in a cooked-up contest that will see him enter Downing Street with a weaker mandate than even Gordon Brown in 2007.
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Please make it stop.
It may have worked in a contest with no other candidates but I suspect I am far from alone in just wincing.
I’ve seen more commentary on a joke made by Burnham about the colour of his T-shirts than I have on his views on Iran, Ukraine, the future of Nato, the Special Relationship, benefit reforms, the NHS, AI — you name it.
His big eve of power interview was a soft soap from Gary Lineker — a man whose career at the BBC ended under a cloud of antisemitism.
The whole Burnham phenomenon feels like the woke social-mediafication of our politics writ large. He’s literally vibed his way into high office.
But as a former PM once said, “Twitter is not Britain”, and it feels this soaring cringe-fest is about to hit the runway of reality at 500mph.
The second ominous bubbling in the pit of my stomach is a crashing sense of deja vu.
Yesterday’s victory speech was as empty as the incoming Chancellor’s coffers — devoid of detail and glossed over with witterings of hope.
On the eve of Sir Keir Starmer taking power, I noted in these pages that the PM-in-waiting was “in another one of his policy-light, big on the feels, ‘Frank Hope’ phases”.
Dressed as a “trusty mid- table football manager who screams neither glory nor relegation, but a safe pair of hands”, Starmer would bleat about “crushing the politics of divide and decline with a new Project Hope”.
Sound familiar? Here was Burnham yesterday: “That’s what we’re going to do, everybody. We’re going to give them hope back.”
Meanwhile, Starmer’s former Chief of Staff, Morgan McSweeney, admitted this week he knew, even before the election, that while his boss was wittering on about hope, they had not done enough to prepare for government and there was no plan.
Trust in Starmer’s government never recovered from their on-the-hoof manifesto-breaking raids on taxpayers Credit: AFP
Our new PM will see him enter Downing Street with a weaker mandate than even Gordon Brown in 2007 Credit: Alamy
Well, Burnham is repeating those same mistakes and the same lies.
Trust in Starmer’s government never recovered from their on-the-hoof manifesto-breaking raids on taxpayers and their nonsense fearmongering about black holes and evil Tories.
Yet Burnham is doomed to a similar fate if he thinks he can so brazenly mislead a highly suspicious electorate.
He’s already trying to pull a fast one on voters by insisting he has a plan — you just can’t see it, hear it, or even ask about it.
Of his Cabinet, he last night claimed: “I haven’t made any decisions yet”.
Who does he think he is kidding?
And what about this corker: that he played no part in ousting Starmer.
No, “obviously it was a decision by the Parliamentary Labour Party. I wasn’t in Parliament — I wasn’t in a position to be involved”.
Morgan McSweeney admitted this week he knew before the election that they had not done enough to prepare for government and there was no plan Credit: AFP
Louise Haigh, the convicted fraudster and sacked Transport Secretary Credit: Getty
In the trade, we call that a straight-up lie.
Just ask his right-hand woman Louise Haigh, the convicted fraudster and sacked Transport Secretary.
A few weeks ago, she boasted they had been in cahoots for at least 12 months, plotting away to oust Starmer.
She told the BBC: “So he has been thinking about this and certainly planning for this, for at least the last year.”
And that’s before we get to Burnham already being pushed around by insatiable, stroppy left-wing backbenchers, only this time given carte blanche to rebel as they’ve been told they will face no sanction.
Burnham may have spent the last few weeks avoiding any tricky questions and tough choices but that stops at lunchtime on Monday when, after undoubtedly giving us another dose of hopey-change on the steps of the No10, he will be ushered into a soundproof room in the basement and given a hefty dose of reality.
The true ways of the world will be told to him in painful and terrifying detail.
Those big, pretty eyelashes will soon be flapping, but there will be very little time to let it sink in.
Because outside his new office door, a queue will start to form of people demanding tough questions and tricky choices are made immediately — and they will keep coming 24 hours a day until he ceases to be PM.
For the good of the country, I wish Andy Burnham well and the very best of luck.
I can’t help feeling, however, that the Labour Party has just made a very, very big mistake.
Again.
TRUMP and Burnham may not meet until September at the earliest, perhaps even as late as December.
The White House currently shows zero interest in the new guy and as Burnham plays to his lefty base, the feeling is mutual.
Just look at which cronies the new PM is stuffing No10 with – such as lefty fixer Matthew McGregor.
His claims to fame include a brief stint working for Obama’s social media team, the Remain campaign and boss of the controversial left-wing campaign group Hope Not Hate (who had to pull all their attacks on Ann Widdecombe this week).
McGregor saw fit to try and wipe his social media history yesterday after years of diatribes calling Donald Trump a fascist maniac were unearthed, alongside attacks on Nigel Farage as “racist piece of s**t”. In the run-up to the 2024 US election, McGregor was tweeting daily about Trump, but was strangely silent when the President was shot in Butler, Pennsylvania that July.
However, panic not – he was back to comparing Trump to Vladimir Putin within four days.
No wonder he’s trying to memory-hole it all, but don’t worry. We have the receipts.
